Conversio Virium

Young and Kinky? Contribute and get published in this new anthology.

I’m excited to say that Matt Johnson, also known as Bad Faggot, is editing a new book whose working title is Young and Kinky. The book promises to touch on some really interesting subjects, ones that are very near and dear to my heart, including “youth leadership in kink communities” and “does young equal submissive?” Conversio Virium has a proud history of being a leading organization for college-aged individuals and has never been more important for New York City’s youngsters than it is now, so I’m sure all of us have something to say about being young and kinky.

Matt is looking for short non-fiction writing to include in the anthology. Send a 3 paragraph summary and a short contributor bio to him by July 31^st to be considered. Details of his Young and Kinky call for submissions follows:

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: Young and Kinky, edited by Matt Johnson aka Bad Faggot

We’re the present and future of a network of communities which are growing by leaps and bounds but which nonetheless feel marginalized and threatened. We’re either hailed as saviors of a sexual culture or framed as a problem that culture is forced to confront in order to survive. We’re often talked about in the abstract but only rarely are our individual voices setting the terms of the conversation. This book means to shift that balance.

Young and Kinky (working title) is an anthology of short nonfiction by people under age 40 who are participants in leather, BDSM, fetish, kink or related communities. This collection defines “community” as broadly as possible: from educational events to sex parties, from book clubs to social networking sites, from erotic businesses to charitable organizations.

Possible topics for inclusion:

• coming out narratives: finding communities, finding other young kinksters
• forming our own groups: TNG, boys/girls of leather
• integrating into existing groups: how to do it successfully
• bars, clubs, contests: are kink institutions still relevant?
• the generation gap: relating to our elders and our history
• youth leadership in kink communities
• where we live: physical and virtual gathering places
• what we do: is our kink different?
• naming: what do we call ourselves and why?
• why now? are there more of us than there used to be?
• is age just a number? when are we no longer “young”?
• talking across divisions of gender and sexual preference
• does young equal submissive?
• social bias (racism, sexism, ageism, biphobia, transphobia) in the scene
• out in the world: kinky at work, with family, friends, and children, in other communities

Contributions should range from 1000 to 5000 words in length. Please no fiction, porn/erotica, or poetry. This is a nonfiction volume reflecting our lived experiences as younger kinky people of all genders and orientations. Contributions from women, transfolk, and kinky folk of color are particularly encouraged.

Please submit a summary (no more than 3 paragraphs) plus a brief contributor bio no later than July 31, 2009. Initial submission of full articles should be no later than December 31, 2009. Electronic submissions strongly preferred.

Contact: “Matt Johnson” <badfaggot@hotmail.com>

PLEASE REDISTRIBUTE WIDELY

(Do you know of a news item that you don’t see mentioned in our archives and want to share? Please send it in! Or even better, send us your own opinions.)

Film Opening: Sex Positive – The Richard Berkowitz Story

On June 12^th, the S&M and sexuality documentary film Sex Positive—The Richard Berkowitz Story opens at the Quad Cinema on 13^th Street here in Manhattan. David Oliver Cohen, the film’s producer, wrote to CV to tell us a little about the film:

The film explores the origins of safe sex through the eyes of Richard Berkowitz, a former S&M sex worker turned AIDS activist and writer.

The film is an essential educational tool for younger generations who have no real concept of how safe sex came about during the beginning of the AIDS epidemic. Richard Berkowitz is credited as co-writing the first safe sex manual in the world, “How to Have Sex in an Epidemic,” with activist Michael Callen. Richard is still around and is actively spreading his message about safe sex.

There is a large portion of the film that deals directly with Richard’s work as a dominant-for-hire.

(Emphasis added.)

I first heard about this documentary when Clarisse Thorn published her interview with the star and brought up the very good point, what does it mean to be sex positive? Safer sex practices such as the use of condoms were not always so endearingly looked upon as symbols of sex positive activism. In fact, decades ago, the opposite was true and sex involving physical barriers was exceptionally stigmatized.

As David says, the film Sex Positive is an exceptional educational tool because it documents the history of how we got to where we are. I’d encourage you to see and support the film, watch the trailer, and maybe even bring your friends along and start a discussion about sex positivity.

Museum of Sex After-Hours: Overcoming the ‘Bitch’ Stereotype of Dominant Women

In both popular and underground culture, the representation of dominant women has long been monotonous in both subtly and explicitly negative ways. Arguably the most well known of these representations is the “bitch” stereotype, which defines an extremely narrow and off-putting attitude for dominant women to prescribe to so that they can be considered, well, dominant. However, in reality, there are just as many ways to be a dominant woman as there are dominant women—and there are a significant number more of you than looking around a typical fetish club would have you believe.

Next Tuesday, the Museum of Sex will be hosting Midori to speak about this issue.

In today’s world, being a strong female is often equated with being a bitch. On May 26, 2009 at 7:00 PM, let Midori teach you how to overcome the bitch stereotype and find a sexy and effective style of dominance that is authentically you.

Using a special technique she handcrafted, Midori will help you find your inner power femme archetype, allowing you to pursue erotic fulfillment in sensual power play. Not your typical how-to class, you will discover the difference between constructive and destructive desires guiding you towards ways of bringing more sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner.

About the presenter:

An acclaimed writer and lecturer on a wide range of sexual topics, Midori has a degree in Psychology from the University of California, Berkeley, and vast indispensable experience as a pioneering San Francisco sex educator. Midori is known for her humanistic, humorous and warm classes that help people to spice up their sex lives and encourage self discovery and personal growth. A regular advice columnist for Men’s Health, she has appeared on HBO and BBC, and has been featured in Vogue, Playboy, Der Spiegel, Cosmopolitan and more. She is also the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and Wild Side Sex.

Pleasure Salon: Second Year Anniversary at Happy Ending

Can you believe Pleasure Salon has been going strong for two years now? Join Patricia, Mark, and Selina celebrate its second year anniversary at the Happy Ending lounge on 302 Broome Street this April 1^st. No tricks, just fine drinks and fine company!

The Pleasure Salon has been created to build community, allowing sex-positive activists to cross-pollinate. Our gatherings bring together members of the BDSM, swinger, alternative gender, LGBT, sex-activist, sex educator, nudist, sex-magic, polyamory, Pagan, radical faerie, tantra, dark odyssey, sex-blogger, porn, pervert and sex-worker communities, and others whose passion is sex. (Let us know if we missed any one of you!) Through building networks in the sex-positive community, The Pleasure Salon hopes to help create a sex-positive world. It is a place for the open exchange of ideas and sensual expression.

We have been thrilled by the turnout at previous events. Join us in building New York’s pleasure positive community, and bring your like-minded friends to this social gathering. The Pleasure Salon embraces respect, acceptance, and non-judgmental support in this public space.

As always, Pleasure Salon is a free event, but you must be 21 years of age or older to drink. (Sorry!)

KinkForAll New York City: No-limits sexuality unconference

On the second Sunday in March, a sexuality event like no other New York City has ever seen is being born. It is a full day of free interactive presentations and discussions about all things sexuality-related. It’s called KinkForAll, and anyone with something to contribute or with the desire to learn is welcome and invited to join. When you come, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.

More detail about the event is provided on the KinkForAll wiki:

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of the kink, queer, sex-positive and related communities to share and learn in an open environment. It is an intense event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. It is inspired by and based upon the BarCamp community.

Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise volunteer/contribute in some way to support the event. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen. Prepare in advance (if you want to), but come early to get a slot on the wall. The people present at the event will select the demos or presentations they want to see.

You can learn more about what to expect or to participate sign up for free on the KinkForAll New York City pre-registration page. There are already some fantastic presentation topics being discussed, including Audacia Ray discussing new media and sexuality rights activism, Sinclair Sexsmith on gender theory and identity development, as well as a number of our very own Conversio Virium members and alumni!

Come and experience this intense full-day event at the LGBT Center at 208 West 13^th Street (in Greenwich Village), in Room 310.

MIX NYC Queer Experimental Film Festival: Punk Fuck Fuck screening

Blaise writes in to tell us that MIX NYC, a queer experimental film festival is happening this week, and at least one (but probably most!) of the films are a must-see!

them radical anarchoQueers are at it again…

We’re screening PUNK FUCK FUCK at the MIX FESTIVAL!

Punk Fuck Fuck is a short Qurash Co-lab product, featuring the sweet & rude, the liberated & the bound, bicycles, chains, godzillas with hard-ons attacking turkeys, DIY fuck toys, fab art & guest appearance by the Matriach of Dildos. It is not to be missed.

The MIX Festival is the one and only NYC festival of Queer (and kinky!) Experimental films, installations and amazing parties. If you wanna know what all the other cool kids are up too…. ;)

Tickets and listings of their other fabulous movies and parties at MIXNYC.org.

Punk Fuck Fuck is in the X Marks the Spot program, on Friday night Oct 17^th, 10 PM at the MIX Factory at the Seaport, 217 Water Street at Beekman.

Now with more Virium: Email Discussion List, Related Sites, and Contributed Events

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night will prevent the Executive Board from continuing to make incremental improvements to Conversio Virium. Okay, so in this case, of course, it’s more like neither distance of persons nor school being out of session, but you get the idea. That’s why today I’m excited to announce a few eagerly-anticipated enhancements to CV’s online presence.

First, even though it’s not readily apparent to most of you guys, the CV Executive Board receives emails almost weekly asking for advice, support, or some other kind of question. With CV’s growth, these emails are becoming increasingly difficult to respond to in a timely fashion and, more to the point, sometimes we just don’t have the expertise to answer the question thoroughly even though we know that one of you probably does.

That’s why we’d like to encourage everyone who hasn’t done so already to check out the recently-renovated CV Google Group, which hosts a public email discussion list that we’d love to see you join. In fact, if you’ve got an account here, you were already invited. (Don’t worry, you won’t get subscribed unless you accept the invitation, which is on its way to you right now if not already there.)

We’ll be pointing our many email corresponders to the discussion list in the future as well as trying (hard) to keep up with the load ourselves. Our hope is that with the discussion list, we’ll be able to involve everyone in this process more readily. We also hope that the discussion list will be a great place to just bring up whatever sexuality- or kink-related things you want to discuss.

Since the mailing list is not the only unofficial CV site, there’s now also a Related Sites page that lists some of the other places you can go to chat with fellow CV’ers online.

Finally, we’ve also begun to invite contributed event postings from readers just like you. This means that, if you’re inclined to do so, rather than simply telling us about upcoming events, you can post the events directly to our calendar yourself. Just request contributor status for your account via email and we’ll show you the rest. We’re really hoping event organizers will take advantage of this and contribute their own events to the CV calendar.

Do you run a kink group? Are your events on the CV calendar? Here’s looking at you, kid.

Can you believe it’s not even August and the new Executive Board has done all this? And September has even more letters!

Pleasure Salon: Monthly Meeting at Revival

If you haven’t yet gone to one, I highly encourage you to check out the monthly Pleasure Salon get togethers hosted by Patricia Johnson, Mark Michaels, and Selina Fire at a downtown Manhattan bar or lounge. If you have gone to one, then you’ll be happy to know the next Pleasure Salon is being held next week on March 27^th. As usual, from the open invitation:

The Pleasure Salon has been created to build community, allowing sex-positive activists to cross-pollinate. Our gatherings bring together members of the BDSM, swinger, alternative gender, LGBT, sex-activist, nudist, sex-magic, polyamory, Pagan, radical faerie, tantra, dark odyssey, sex-blogger, porn, pervert and sex-worker communities, and others whose passion is sex. (Let us know if we missed any one of you!) Through building networks in the sex-positive community, The Pleasure Salon hopes to help create a sex-positive world. It is a place for the open exchange of ideas and sensual expression.

We have been thrilled by the turnout at previous gatherings. A community of New York area Pleasure Positive folks is developing rapidly, and we hope that you will join us or continue to be part of it. Please invite your like-minded friends. In keeping with the spirit of Dark Odyssey, we encourage everyone to embrace the basic principles of respect, tolerance, acceptance, openness, and non-judgmental support.

TES-TiNG: An Evening at Conversio Virium

TES-TiNG is coming up to visit us at Conversio Virium It’s an honor for CV to host TES-TiNG, TES’s group for young adults, aged 35 and under. This is also a chance for us at CV to network with the rest of the New York City kink community. From the TES-TiNG calendar announcement:

Join us at 7 PM at the Chelsea Gallery Restaurant (72 7^th Avenue between 14^th and 15^th Street) for dinner, coffee, and/or a snack. Ask for “TES” at the diner. Then at around 8 PM we’ll head up to Columbia University to attend a Conversio Virium meeting, Columbia/NYC’s Student BDSM Discussion Group

Pleasure Salon: Mardi Gras and Dark Odyssey Discounts

Patricia Johnson, Mark Michaels, and Selina Fire’s monthly gathering of the diverse pleasure-positive communities in New York City is meeting again this month. From the invitation:

For a Pleasure Activist, every day is Mardi Gras!

[…]

The Pleasure Salon has been created to build community, allowing sex-positive activists to cross-pollinate. Our gatherings bring together members of the BDSM, swinger, alternative gender, LGBT, sex-activist, nudist, sex-magic, polyamory, Pagan, radical faerie, tantra, dark odyssey, sex-blogger, porn, pervert and sex-worker communities, and others whose passion is sex. (Let us know if we missed any one of you!) Through building networks in the sex-positive community, The Pleasure Salon hopes to help create a sex-positive world. It is a place for the open exchange of ideas and sensual expression.

Pleasure Salon is also announcing discounted rates to the Dark Odyssey Winter Fire event that’s upcoming in March for all registered Pleasure Salon attendees. Registration is free and easy. Just sign up for their event invitation list when you get your name tag at the Pleasure Salon you attend.

Pleasure Salon members are eligible for a Dark Odyssey group discount. Go to DarkOdyssey.com and enter “Pleasure Salon” when you register.

TES Meeting: What’s Wrong With TES…?

A surprising and heartening announcement from The Eulenspiegel Society is making the rounds. It’s good to see an important organization like TES trying to understand what it does right, what it does wrong, and how it can improve:

To all TES members, past, present and future and all BDSM community members,

This Tuesday, February 12, 2008, The Eulenspiegel Society (TES) is embarking on a bold undertaking. Since it’s inception in 1971, TES has prided itself on being innovative, open-minded and progressive. It is unfortunate that it may not still be perceived that way. In a move to continue to provide the bold, provocative guidance and insight that allowed this organization to be the oldest, largest BDSM support and education group in the hemisphere, we are seeking to look introspectively. We seek to do a self analysis, with those who love TES for what it has been, and what it can be, and those who don’t love TES, for the same reasons. We will do this in the form of a forum entitled, “What’s Wrong With TES, or, How Can the Best Get Better?” In this forum we wish to discuss how The Eulenspiegel Society can keep current, stay relevant and continue to be a beacon in the BDSM community. In addition to discussing problems and shortcomings, we wish to entertain solutions and ideas. These ideas are critical, not just to the continued survival of TES, but to the BDSM community at large, as many of our community groups have been suffering with similar issues. We will be discussing Issues such as maintaining relevance in the age of the Internet, recruitment and retention of volunteers, developing mentors, eliminating predators, community outreach and activism.

Sir Guy, who will be moderating the discussion, has also set up an email address so that people can voice their opinions anonymously:

We understand that there may be those who are a bit apprehensive about speaking in public. To this end, a special e-mail address has been provided. The only person to have access to this account is Sir Guy, a TES Board Member and moderator for the discussion. You can maintain your anonymity if you so desire. The e-mail address is: whatswrongwithtes@gmail.com. Please feel free to participate in what is sure to be a lively discussion. It’s important to us all.

BYTE Party: Valentynes Cyber Celebration

This weekend, DJ Lucien, DJ Ash and friends are hosting the monthly synthi-sexy BYTE Party, this month in celebration of a cyberpunk-themed Valentine’s Day.

$5 for fetish divas, creative goths, cyberpunks, material girls, fashionistas, alternative sexiness, and anyone who can leave their inhibitions at home! $10 for all black, $15 all else. 21 and over please…no exceptions! Make an effort, let yourself go!

Drink Specials: $5 vodka Red Bulls. $5 Bloodbaths. $6 Bud & kamikaze shot.

Jeff Mach’s 2008 Wicked Winter Renaissance Lovecraftian Pirate Ninja Faire

Jeff Mach is at it once again with his annual Wicked Winter Renaissance Faire. Join perverts, rennies, pirates, ninjas, gamers, and friends for a weekend of Lovecraft-inspired mayhem. Quothe the web site:

Who’ll discover the secrets needed to unlock the tombs of Those Who Cannot Die? What’ll happen if they do…and who will be Eaten First? Which side will it be the Pirates? The Knights? Rebellious Squires? One of the warring Ninja clans? Secretly-evil Barmaids? (Actually, I didn’t think that was terribly much of a secret.) Perhaps it will be teams of former enemies, made into strange bedfellows by strange, strange times. The Villagers are frantically pretending that nothing-at-all-out-of-the-ordinary-is-going-on-really-truly… some with more success than others… so as not to disturb the Revels. We have a feeling that won’t quite work. The visitors will probably figure out what’s going on; the tentacles, for one thing, are a bit of a dead giveaway. Perhaps some of the visitors will even decide to take part. After all, who wants to miss the End of the World?

DSF Meeting: “Why can’t I meet someone?” with Shibari Warrior

It is an oft-cited criticism of the BDSM scene: “It’s too hard to meet women!” Indeed, many men feel that their attempts at engaging members of the opposite sex are consistently unsuccessful. It’s unfortunate that when something isn’t working, many men simply try to do more of the same. If asking ten women to let him rub their feet didn’t work, he’ll just try asking another fifty, thinking one of them will eventually acquiesce. Sadly, this just doesn’t work.

Thankfully, DomSubFriends is hosting a presentation all about meeting and playing with people in the scene called (appropriately enough), “Why can’t I meet someone?”. Thomas, aka Shibari Warrior is presenting this topic specifically for men who have trouble finding play partners:

Frustrated on why you cant meet anyone in the scene, whether to play or create a relationship? Geared primarily for males, Top/Dom or bottom/sub, the class is open to anyone who wishes to attend. The approach to the class will be a twofold concept of a book: the Book cover and the contents of the book. In the class we will discuss the problems people face and the means of overcoming them. The presenter will share his expertise from his time in the Marine Corps (the total person concept) and his current occupation in the fashion industry. If you want to make a change for the better, this is the class to attend.

In my personal experience, a few key guidelines have proven themselves to be invaluable. These are:

1. Vanilla rules apply. Just as certain common-sense rules of etiquette are followed in non-kink spaces, so too must they all be followed in kink spaces. Being in a BDSM dungeon does not grant anyone the right to be rude to anyone else.
2. Make conversation. Nine times out of ten, if you ask someone to play with you before you even say hello, you’re going to get turned down. Think about it: do you walk up to random women in bars and ask them to have sex with you? No, you talk to them first, you flirt. Do that in a BDSM club, too. If there’s some chemistry in the conversation first, then the apple of your eye is much more likely to say yes when you broach the topic of playing together.
3. Be generous. If you get turned down, be gracious and accepting about it. On the other hand, if your offer to play is accepted, then do something you are both going to like when you play and make sure your play partner knows how much you’re liking it while you’re playing. If you’re topping, this means you top with enthusiasm tempered with lots of care. If you’re bottoming, this means you’re reacting to what she’s doing because, remember, she wants to be having an effect on you. I don’t think I know a single top who doesn’t like noise, or squirming, or something of the sort as long as it’s an authentic reaction and not a big phony act. Conversely, almost all of them really dislike playing with a stubbornly stoic, silent, expressionless bottom.

Advice from CV: Tele-D/s and Long-Distance Domination and Submission

Conversio Virium has been a long-standing resource for young people seeking answers to their questions about kinky sex, the BDSM scene, and all kinds of other things. Most of the time when the officers and contributors to Conversio Virium get such questions we answer them privately, but now we’d like to try reaching more people.

It’s fitting, then, that a recent email we received from a young woman asking for BDSM advice in a long-distance relationship found out about us via the excellent Go Ask Alice web site, whose superb advice and excellent model we hope to mimic here.

Hi! Ive seen your email on askalice and i thought youd be just the right person to help me.

My boyfriend is into BDSM and hes masochistic and wants me to dominate him…but the thing is this is a long distance relationship also, so we cant always be there 24/7. Im just wondering what are some things i can tell him over the phone to turn him on? I know some of the things hes into but im clueless on how to dominate him and turn him on over the phone.

-anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Thank you for looking to us for some advice. We aren’t experts at BDSM here at Conversio Virium, and even experts are still learning, but many of us do understand what it is like to begin since supporting one another explore these beginnings is exactly what the club is for. Here are some of our thoughts that may be helpful to you; try these on for size, and only accept the ones that you feel suit you and your boyfriend well.

Long distance relationships of any sort can be hard, but luckily for you and your boyfriend, the most important elements of kinky play involving domination and submission are a lot more psychological than physical. The reason for that is because when your goal is to make your partner feel submissive, which is psychological construct of having less power than another person, you don’t need any real-world toys like ropes as you would with a physically-based desire such as wanting to be restrained.

So, first off, be aware that what you’re going to start learning about is how to use fantasy and imagination—dirty talk, in other words—to play with one another. Both you and your boyfriend are going to start exercising the “biggest sex organ” in each other’s bodies: your brains.

Every person is different, and what makes one person feel submissive and dominated may not be the same thing that another person needs to feel that way. Universally, however, we find that being dominated by someone who isn’t enjoying dominating is a lot less fun than being dominated by someone who’s really getting off on it. For that reason, and because we strongly believe in reaffirming the critically important nature of playing with sexual power exchange consensually, you really only ought to do this if you’re going to have fun. Lots of us at Conversio Virium think dominating people is loads of fun, so if you’re worried about not being excited enough, try it out and see how you feel.

That said, how do you dominate someone over the phone? Well, again, your main tool is your voice and your fantasies, so starting out by talking about one another’s fantasies conversationally is probably the best way to begin. As you get to know his fantasies better, and the more you talk to one another about them, you will learn what makes him feel dominated and what doesn’t, as well as what you like and what you don’t.

Since you cannot actually bite, hit or scratch him over the phone, it might be exciting for you to talk about doing these things to him when you will next see him. You can focus on the details of the activity, like the slightly salty taste of his skin in your mouth, or you can focus on a narration, like how you’ll hug him close and rake your nails at his back or neck. The upshot is that kinky phone sex is exactly the same as not-kinky phone sex, with the subject matter changed to match the participants’ kinky fantasies.

Another common way some people have fun with long-distance domination and submission (D/s) play is for the dominant partner to (consensually) enforce a set of rules for the submissive one. Typically, such rules are realistic versions of constraints of one or the other partner’s fantasies. Then, depending on how well the submissive follows the rules, they can either be punished or rewarded (which, because this is all supposed to be a lot of fun, can sometimes even be the same thing).

For example, some couples enforce a bedtime for the submissive to follow even when the dominant is not there to enforce it. Other couples enjoy restricting the diet of the submissive, and yet others have fun letting the dominant pick out the clothing the submissive will wear on a certain day (and often add a very sexy under-thing to boot!). The point of all this is simply to encourage the feelings of dominance and submission that you two enjoy to remain present throughout your time apart.

One very common, and very intense, form of a rule-making game like this that long distance couples often play with is restricting the number or frequency of orgasms the submissive is allowed to have without the dominant’s express permission. It’s sexy because it’s entirely explicitly sex-focused and it’s hot for D/s play because it has a lot of the earmarks of a power exchange dynamic. Maybe he’s only allowed an orgasm when he’s on the phone with you and you tell him he’s allowed.

This type of play is its own genre and is often called chastity play. Like everything else, there are nearly endless ways to go about playing around with it. Keep experimenting as long as you’re having fun, and stop or change what you’re doing when you’re not.

Obviously, with all these rule-games it is up to the submissive to honestly disclose whether or not they have been obedient and gone to bed at the right time, or wore the right outfit, and so on. There’s not much fun to be had in rule games like this without honesty. If it stops being fun, stop and re-evaluate what you’re doing by talking with one another and figuring out what changed, what worked, and what didn’t. Your fantasy life should always adapt to your real life, not the other way around.

The possibilities for D/s play over the phone are, as we hope we’ve given you a taste of, pretty much endless. They just require imagination and openness on both your parts. In the end, playing this way should encourage you to communicate more easily with each other by constantly talking about the things that make you hot, and should be enjoyable for both of you. No matter what type of dirty talk gets you or your boyfriend off, the main point to remember is that you should both speak up about how the things you have said in play made you feel.

Every person is different and likes to dominate or be dominated in different ways. Talk to your boyfriend, find out what he likes, tell him what you like, and go from there. We’ve often found that even just starting these conversations can be enough to get everyone involved a little flushed!

Best,
Tyler and maymay and the other Officers of Conversio Virium

Announcing an Informal CV Social Group and its Debut Drink Night

Over the course of a few years Conversio Virium has grown from an insular group of five or so regular attendees to a whopping thirty-odd people showing up to meetings every Monday. Those Monday meetings are some of the best sources for BDSM education for younger people in New York City, and they’re a great place to meet fellow kinky students. But since kink is also a social activity, we also want to encourage people to have fun with one another outside of CV meetings.

And indeed, don’t many of us do so already?

So to take that to the next level, I’d like to briefly direct your attention to the Conversio Virium LiveJournal (LJ) Community, a place where a few of us in CV are hoping we can begin to organize semi-regular social outings just because they’re always a lot of fun! We’re thinking coffee shop get-togethers, bar nights, maybe the occasional “let’s totally take over a restaurant” dinners (Summer CV style), or whatever else we come up with. For instance, a bunch of CVers and their friends hit the movies a few weeks ago to see Sweeney Todd, because just think of the possible kink innuendoes with all those knives on screen. Also, evidently, Johnny Depp!

Everyone is invited to join or watch the Conversio Virium LJ community; it is an informal group started by CV members and has no official affiliation with Conversio Virium. It’s just that a bunch of us want a place in cyberspace for group socialization. Obviously, LJ rules do apply:

• You must have a LiveJournal (LJ) account. LJ accounts are free.
• In your profile, you must have a registered birthdate that implies that you are at least 14 years old because the community will deal with adult concepts, including various forms of human sexuality.

As an opener, we’re inviting everyone out to a bar night:

So, a few of us have done this before and it turned out to be such a huge success that, largely thanks to The Professor, it’s happening again!

A bar night (for those 21 and over, of course), will be tonight, Tuesday the 29^th, at O’Connells Pub on Broadway at 108^th Street at 8 PM. They’ve got pitchers of beer for $8 and a lot of space to hang out in. So if this sounds like your kind of thing, drop on by and have some fun with us.

Expect drinks, conversation, possibly lots of finger foods, and whatever else we all decide to bring along.

See you then!

TES-TiNG: Dinner and a Show…the Rocky Horror Picture Show!

This weekend, TES-TiNG is hosting an excursion to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. From the web site announcement:

Are you a virgin? Well, tonight’s your lucky night! Join us for a late dinner/snack at the Moonstruck Diner…then we’ll head over to Clearview’s Chelsea Cinema (260 W. 23rd St @ 8th Ave) for a midnight screening/performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Can’t make it to the diner (It’s not easy having a good time!)? No worries…just meet us in front of the theater at 11:30 PM, and catch this cult classic with your fellow TNGers!

TES-TiNG: Florentine Flogging with Richard Cordage

Floggers are part of the classic kink iconography. They’re also a lot of fun. One way to make them even more fun is simpler (and prettier) than you might think: use two! TES-TiNG is hosting Richard Cordage’s next presentation on Florentine flogging, the art of using two floggers at once. For those of you into circus arts, think kinky Poi.

Who likes to play with a flogger? If you raised your hands, be sure to drop them before someone snatches your calendar. Having one flogger is almost a must in anyone’s toy bag, but when you have a passion for your multi-tailed whips you are sometimes at a loss as to which one to use first. Instead of just using one at a time, why not pick two, three, or four? Richard Cordage will show you how he evolved his fetish for flagellation.

Submit Party: BDSM play and sex party for women and transfolk

The monthly Submit parties are a space for women and female-identified transfolk to play, kiss, have sex, and talk to one another at a club and a party dedicated to fulfilling sex and BDSM desires. What happens at Submit parties? The web site says:

It’s really all about having big fun and satisfying your sexual and sensual fantasies and desires. You can watch all night if that’s what you want.

BDSM play from the mildest of spankings to the heaviest of scenes. Cruising, asking, and trying something or someone new. You and your date can make out in dark corners or fuck in the middle of the room. You and your friends can cruise till you all pick up that hot stranger and all go at it.

We’ll hook you up with gloves, lube, and condoms.

Thanks to ReKi of Recursive Kink for emailing to let us know about this event!

Pleasure Salon: Location Revival

The first monthly gathering of sex bloggers, queer activists, tantra, BDSM, and other pleasure-positive communities of 2008 is happening in a new location this time, appropriately called “Revival” at 129 East 15^th Street. From the invitation:

The Pleasure Salon has been created to build community, allowing sex-positive activists to cross-pollinate. Our gatherings bring together members of the BDSM, swinger, alternative gender, LGBT, sex-activist, nudist, sex-magic, polyamory, Pagan, radical faerie, tantra, dark odyssey, sex-blogger, porn, pervert and sex-worker communities, and others whose passion is sex. (Let us know if we missed any one of you!) Through building networks in the sex-positive community, The Pleasure Salon hopes to help create a sex-positive world. It is a place for the open exchange of ideas and sensual expression.

We have been thrilled by the turnout at previous gatherings. A community of New York area Pleasure Positive folks is developing rapidly, and we hope that you will join us or continue to be part of it. Please invite your like-minded friends. In keeping with the spirit of Dark Odyssey, we encourage everyone to embrace the basic principles of respect, tolerance, acceptance, openness, and non-judgmental support.